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Monday, May 23, 2016

He's in the fire

Shadrach

Meshach

Abednego

Do you know those names? I do..and I can't get them out of my head.

Backstory is basically they refused to worship the king and instead worshipped God and the king got mad and threw them into the fiery furnace...it's Daniel 3, you should read it if you've never read it. But the part I can't get out of my head lately is those 3 got thrown into a furnace that was heated 7x hotter than it normaly is, they were tied up and thrown into it. They should have died but they worshipped God and when the king looked into the furnace to see what was happening to them, he saw 4 people. 4...not 3. Jesus was in the fire.

Jesus joined 3 humans who worshipped Him, in their scariest, darkest, worst day of their life.

I have Lupus. I've been dealing with symptoms for a year and a half. I thought the symptoms were from an injury. Doctors said I had arthritis. It took a physical therapist to contact my doctor and convince him to do blood tests because treatment wasn't working. Blood tests came back positive for lupus and RA. Now I'm in the waiting game for an appointment with a Rheumatologist. I have 8 weeks left.

Sometimes I feel so completely alone. My legs don't work any more. When I do walk I'm so slow. I walk hunched, my hips, knees, ankles hurt so bad with every shuffled step that I cry. My elbow doesn't fully extend anymore, my shoulders are stiff. On top of that I can't go outside any more because the sun burns my skin within minutes. The heat from the sun makes my arms feel like they are on fire. I have sores in my nose and mouth.

I am in the fire. Alone. Except not alone. Jesus is in the fire with me. I think that's why I can't get this story out of my head. During one of the scariest times of my life He's with me. I can't say that during the whole of this situation that I'm worshipping God. I've done a lot of crying, a lot of asking why, a lot of demanding God, a lot of "why don't you just heal me!" When I'm worn though, when I'm having a difficult day. When all I can see is the dark He reminds me...He's in the fire with me.

I want people to see Jesus in me. I want them to call me a servant of the Most High God. I want them to worship God because of what they saw in me, just like the king did in the story. To be completely honest, I say this on a good day. If it's a difficult day I just hold on for dear life and cry and wait for the worst of the pain to pass.

I don't want to live afraid, I don't want to live in doubt. I want to be brave because of who God says He is and what He says He will do. So that's what I'm praying. I'm praying to see God in the fire, I'm praying that when I'm angry and worn that I don't lash out at the people I love. I'm praying that I will worship God on the bad days, not just the good days. I'm praying for courage to be in the fire even when I feel alone.

I'm praying.

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