Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Nosy Child
Sometimes my kids can be so nosy. They swarm my husband and I to get in on whatever we're doing...whether it's making dinner, making a grocery list, folding clothes no matter what we're doing whether it has something to do with them or not they want in on it. They want to be involved in the planning, preparing, executing plans, whatever it is they want to be involved ~ even when it's a surprise and we really don't want them to know.
I had a picture in my head all day Wednesday about a nosy child. My kids are preschool age so it was a little girl about preschool age wanting to get on her daddy's lap and get into his plans ~ I'm sure you can see where this is going. Of course he wouldn't let her though because it was a surprise and she really didn't need to be involved in the planning and preparing all she had to do was wait and see!
As you can see from my last post I had a bad night. A few of them actually. My husband isn't working every day, more like every other day and only making a couple hundred a week. In my head rent is coming up fast, the end of the month is just a week away and we don't have a savings account, we don't have any money put away in a coffee can somewhere so I panicked. My heart was screaming, my head was screaming and I lost it. I kept asking God why, if this job was from Him why wasn't it perfect and amazing and why didn't we have money coming out of our earlobes (smiles).
I had been doing so good, praying when I felt panic, listening for His still small voice in my heart every time I started to feel afraid but after a while I felt like I needed more. I felt like I needed to be involved in the planning. I'm a list making, double checking, planning type of person and if I can't see the solution then I freak out.
I think God's teaching me something through my husbands new job. Through my best friend He spoke to me that night telling me:
The job won't make me complete ~ only He will.
The paycheck won't sustain me ~ only He will.
John working every day won't make me happy ~ only He can give me real joy
John working every day won't make me feel safe ~ only He can keep me truly safe.
God gives good gifts, and if I truly believed this job was from Him and not just a crazy coincedence then I need to trust that this IS a good gift.
My thought process saying that He's testing us and won't provide for us was faulty. God's promises are real. He WILL provide for us. He WILL sustain us. He does NOT lie. Just like that nosy child, I don't need to be involved in His planning, He is the provider not the job, not the paycheck. It's my job to have faith, to trust Him above all else, no matter what might happen.
I can see He's growing me, even though it's painful I can see it so I pray a little harder and I cling a little tighter to His hand and I walk with Him through this with faith, with hope and with true joy and a KNOWing that my Daddy still has us in His hands.
Thank You Lord for speaking to me through my friend and for still holding me even in my panic and my horrible attitude that night. Thank you for staying close to me while I spin out of control and waiting patiently for me to realize You are still my only source. Whatever happens Lord keep us close to You. Thank You for helping me realize I don't have to be that nosy child, all I have to do is trust You and wait, and You already have it taken care of.