If someone shows kindness towards me, there's always the thought in the back of my head that they want something from me. If someone comes up to talk to me, there's always the voice that says they are just trying to be nice, they don't really want to talk to me.
Greeting time at Church is so uncomfortable for me. Being around people in general is unnerving for me.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend about her Church and she was telling me about someone that goes to her Church and their behavior that she's noticed. I don't think she realized what she was saying when she said "don't trust anyone, usually their true colors come out with-in 6 months to a year."
She's such a good friend, I don't think she she knew it but that one sentence threw me in to this whirlwind of doubt. It just blew this trust thing wide open. My response was "I don't trust anyone, only God". The rest of the day turned in to this battle for me.
My response to her wasn't exactly true, I battle daily with trusting God.
I have my focus back today and He's been able to show me that there's always a thought, a voice no matter what God does for me, what He speaks to me, there's always something in me that reminds me of things I've heard about God in the past. The world's "logic" creeps in to my memory and tells me I didn't just hear God, He wasn't the one that did that thing for me.
Take friendship for instance, it doesn't come easily for me. When I mess up or make someone mad I've had friends that I consider best friends choose not to speak to me for months on end, they choose not to be my friend anymore. I have continuously put God in that category. But He's not like that, all through-out His word He tells me that He will NEVER leave me..no matter what.
I hear Him whisper to me "walk with me, follow me, trust me, I won't leave you" I hear that as I type this. I'm desperate for you Lord. I am that woman, the one where If I could just touch You everything will be ok. If I just cling to you everything will work out.
Father take this mis-trust from me. Silence these thoughts so I can focus on your truth, on only You. Thank you for restoring my focus, I hear You and I trust You.
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over meI will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth
Casting Crowns Voice of Truth