I've been thinking a lot about the new year, what I want out of it. It's a new start, a new beginning. Last year I read a couple blogs about finding your one word for the new year, that one thing God really wants you to focus on for the new year. My word was redemption, reconciliation. For the past couple of weeks I haven't really felt like blogging, I know I've taken several weeks off at other times but this time was different I really just didn't have anything to write, if God doesn't give me what to say I can't just make something up. I felt like it didn't matter. I didn't have anything to say, and if I did it wouldn't matter any way.
Last week I read a blog from The Scenic Route about throwing off labels that we've been holding on to. The post got me thinking about what labels I've been holding on to, at first I didn't think I had been holding on to anything but then God reminded me that I was holding on to a label...a big one.
I don't matter.
My birth was a mistake, I didn't matter. My life doesn't matter. I'm just filling space, here so everyone can have a skapegoat when something goes wrong.
That makes me cry just thinking about it. Whether true or not, it's true to me. But God says I do matter. I have purpose. Everything, every choice I make matters. My word for 2012 is Intentional. I didn't have to even pray about that, God spoke that to my heart a month ago.
I think a lot about what I want out of this life. I'm a good thinker. I can out think anyone on any given day...I'm a horrible doer. I'm horrible at follow through.
God says get intentional. Wake up, be dressed and ready for service. Align your life with Me and you can have those things you want. You matter, your life matters, to Me.
So what do I want out of this new year, that's easy...
I want my family to throw off everything that hinders us and run like there's no tomorrow, run full force into God's arms and hold on for dear life. I want us to grow for Christ.
I want to grow, I want to finally and fully be able to let go and ignore all of those things that have me held captive and just run to Daddy's arms, I want to experience God in a new and exciting way. I want to live boldly, speak forcefully, and love mightily just like Him.
I want to see growth in my children, I want to wake up every day full of purpose. Using the new day as a new way to reach my children's hearts. They will be 3 and 4 this year.
I want to see myself through God's eyes, and see that I do matter. I want to lose weight, and gain confidence.
I want the food pantry to grow, I want to see it explode into something that amazes every single person in my Church and all who are touched by it.
I feel like I've been sleeping. Just letting life happen around me. Just going through the motions of living...not really caring...just being. Living like I don't matter...existing in the lie. The Truth is though, that I do have a voice. I do matter. I am not the girl in the corner living as a door mat.
“Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, like servants waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. Luke 12:35,36
What do you want out of this new year? You matter, your life matters to God...be intentional hold His hand go for what you want.