Monday, November 21, 2011
Tears on Sundays
Tears on Sundays are good. Healing even. Freeing sometimes. Tears can mean God touched a nerve. Tears shouldn't have anything to do with the song that was played or the words that were spoken, but everything to do with what you learned from God. What did He speak to you? What do your tears mean?
I cry a lot on Sundays. Every ugliness from the week gets dropped at the feet of Jesus and I'm able to just worship. Just release built up tension, fear, anxiety, anger...release it all and I feel free. Loved. Hopeful.
But what happens when we leave our place of worship? What happens when we leave Church. Our safe place where we felt such love, moments before. All too often we pick everything back up and walk out the door only to drop it again and cry more tears on the next Sunday.
Maybe that is what's wrong with me today. I'm "in a mood" as my husband would say. Angry, agitated. irritated. I put my kids in their rooms and sit on my bed, look up to that white ceiling and wonder what God must be thinking. What is wrong with me Jesus...why do I always feel like this. Why did you entrust these kids to me, why did you want me to quit my job. What in the world should I be doing with Your kids.
Tears on Sundays, baggage on Mondays. That's what I did. I subconsciously picked up all my baggage as I walked out the doors of my Church Sunday and carried it home with me to be used for the coming week.
I envision balling up all this aggression and throwing it to the Heavens. Here Jesus...I don't want it anymore. I don't just want tears on Sundays...I want freedom. I want growth.
Continuing to count my blessings...because I am so blessed...
1) Visiting with my grandparents Saturday
2) Cleaning and chatting with my grandma
3) Having lunch at Burger King with my grandparents after 4 hours of cleaning their house (We were getting ready for Thanksgiving this week)
4) A music box from my childhood, given to me as a gift...my grandma remembered I loved it as a child...
5) The smell of a wood burning stove (their only source of heat, my favorite smell in the world)
6) God's provision
7) My Church decorated for Christmas
8) God's amazing love, a lesson I need to learn and relearn every. Single. Day.
9) A safe friend and her family, and their story of God's mighty outstretched hand protecting them in their car accident.
10) My sister and her beautiful new baby coming to play with us Friday evening. The sounds he makes while eating is simply precious.
11) Tears on Sundays. Lessons on Mondays.
12) Studying my children, learning to like them. Not just love them.
13) Celebrating 6 years with my hubby when we didn't think we'd make it past 4.
14) Quiet nap times and worship music to soothe my soul
15) God's desire to see me grow, and knowing that I will grow because He wants it for me.
16) A flourishing Church food pantry