God can use anything to teach us lessons and this week He taught me a lesson when we didn't get approved for a home loan. This was our third attempt at a loan and we've tried even more times to try to rent a house.
I want a house. I want one so bad I can picture every detail. I can day dream about my kids playing in our own yard and my husband and I decorating the rooms the way we want. I can picture us sitting by the imaginary fire place and doing laundry in our laundry room. I may just be a little obsessive but I can picture us in a Victorian home, blue with a huge front porch...ok I'm obsessive.
This attempt though we didn't call a lender, they approached us. I thought maybe this was how God was going to get us into a house but instead it was how He chose to teach me a lesson.
Was I relying on the Lender and Real Estate Agent more than God to provide for us? Yep I sure was.
Was I obsessively thinking about getting into a house the very second they contacted us asking if we wanted to try for a house again...again Yes I was.
Wanting a house has become an idol in my life, and God used this opportunity to reveal that to me.
I have to admit I was MAD. So angry that we didn't get approved, so angry that they contacted me in the first place when I thought I was finally starting to be ok living in our apartment...God just used this to show me I wasn't ok, that I was just suppressing the want.
I am not saying it's a bad thing to want a house, or to even dream and hope. But for me it went way too far, it was obsessive.
Today I'm grateful. I'm grateful that we have a 3 bedroom apartment/town home because both of my children have their own room. I'm grateful because we do have a laundry area in our basement, that we don't have to travel to do laundry. I'm grateful that when my husband gets paid today we will have food in our refrigerator again. I'm grateful we have a home, maybe it's not a house, maybe we have to fight for a parking spot, maybe we have other people's dogs coming and going as they please in our spot of yard but we have a home, my children are warm and fed and they have a bed to sleep in.
I don't need a house, God has provided for our needs, He has provided for many many wants too. Christ is what I need, not a house, a house won't make me happy. A house won't comfort me when I'm upset, share my joy with me when I'm happy and shelter me when I'm scared. A house is just a house. God is my friend, my Father, my Hope and my Life. He is all I need.
Sometimes I wonder if the dream He has put in my heart is just telling me that He has a home for me. A house I will love when I'm home with Him. At that time though I won't even care about a house...I will be home with my Lord, and that is the only thing that really matters, isn't it.