Monday, July 11, 2011


Friday was my 145th post. I started this blog in June 2010 to journal my questions and fears to God. There was a lot of them at the beginning of our time together. I hadn't planned on sharing this blog ever. It was going to be personal, just between God and I, but He told me to share. He told me to write for Him AND to Him.

There are days when doubt and worry and fear and anxiety almost consume me. Days when I think God can't possibly love me, I'm a mess, He can't possibly love a mess like me.

Then I look back. 145 times He spoke to me, 145 times I wrote it down. It started as a Word of Wisdom from a dear friend. He caught me in the most broken point in my life. Broken, beat down, I had no hope until He gave me hope.

All of a sudden His spirit consumed me. All I could see, all I could hear, all I could feel was God and that's how it has been since that first day over a year ago now. I didn't even know what hunger or passion was until I met Jesus. All I want is Him, thoughts of Him and Heaven consume my entire life. I have "dry" days where I just want to step back, there are days when I'm afraid and I do step back but He is so faithful to pull me back, He is so faithful to fuel my fire once again and place my feet once again firmly in His word.

Life is not perfect, not by a mile but thank God I am not where I used to be. I've grown so much, my closest friends tell me that all the time and a part of me just shrugs it off but then I look through this blog, read through old posts and I'm just blown away with what God has done and is doing in my life.

It's hard to be upset, it's hard to have pity parties when I see all that God is trying to do with me. He starts slow, working on one area of my heart at a time and we start cleaning it out together. He the Father me the child sifting through old hurts together and when He thinks I'm ready He opens up another piece of my heart to work on.

145 times my Heavenly Father has talked to me, many many more times than just that but 145 times I've written it down.

Thank You is no where near good enough. Thank You just doesn't cover how my heart feels towards Him. God is truly my everything and He has set me free. He won't relent until He has every single piece of my heart and for that I'm forever grateful. I forever say yes to You Lord.

Thank You Father. My heart is Yours, now and forever Yours.


Jenifer said...

Congrats on 145 and love the new look! I love how blogging and journaling give us a way to look back at how God is speaking to us.

Lisa said...

We're not where we should be, but we're not where we used to be. Amen! It is easier to see the changes in other people than see it in ourselves. I clearly see it in you - God is doing mighty things in and through you!
Love the new look!

Heidi said...

Oh, you just wrote my heart out once again Mandy! Praising Him for the way He speaks to us and challenges us and keeps us steady in Him! Happy 145 :)

Eileen said...

Rejoicing with you, Mandy. It's beautiful to look back and see God's hand in the journey. He never stops growing us! Congrats on 145!