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Monday, May 2, 2011

More

I want more. More God. More Spirit. More of His love. This last week I caught another glimpse of just how much He loves me.

My kids are running me ragged. I never knew being a mom was such hard work. I was the weekend mom. The 2 hours a night after dinner mom. Never would I have guessed I would become the 24/7 mom. Every night I'd pass the kids off to my husband when He got home from work and run upstairs to cry. And pray. And cry some more.

God heard those cries and prayers. He put someone in my path that could help me. A few weeks ago I wrote about not being desperate enough. That was the calm before the storm and what a storm it is. BUT joy comes in the morning and finally our joy is returning. I'm not nearly as overwhelmed as I was and my children are beginning to learn being home with mommy can be fun. I have days where my patience runs out by the time my husband comes home and again I run upstairs to pray and cry and pray some more. On days like that I am starting to learn I'm not leaning on God's love or power, I'm leaning on my own strength. I'm learning...always learning.

So how do I get more God. I heard once if you want to grow spiritually you have to do spiritual things. I never felt so close to God as when I was writing for God. I have been in a kind of rut latley. I don't feel like writing, sitting at the computer, researching scripture for blog posts. It just all seemed too much on top of trying to heal the hurt my kids felt towards thier worlds being turned upside down. I always felt like I was grieving the loss of my job (even though, yes He told me to quit) but here my babies were grieving the loss of their friends and all their stuff at the daycare and their most dear friend/grandma type who took care of them every day of their lives. It was a big adjustment for them, God revealed that to me through the friend I mentioned at the beginning of this. So anyway I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive, I'm still here. I still read your blogs as much as I can and I will start writing again. God is working on me and my children and we are finally starting to get in a sort of routiene. Thank you for being gracious and for reading my blog. I appreciate every single one of you dearly.

Have a blessed day friends.
Mandy

8 comments:

Deane said...

When we lean on God for help things works out so much better. Mandy you're making it, it takes time. Obeying God is what our life is about and your learning. It isn't always easy but God is there to help. Have a great and blessed day.

Jenifer said...

Things have been so different for you but I know God brought you to this place. When we get in a rut God is always there waiting to pull us out.

Eileen said...

I agree with Jenifer. Sometimes those ruts end up being huge seasons of growth. Being a mom 24/7 is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Hang in there and keep leaning on HIM!

Heidi said...

Lately I've been right where you are Mandy! In a rut. Staring at the computer and feeling blank. Wondering if this is even something I should be doing anymore... because of my kids. I have always said that God speaks to me in the most clear way when I write, so I can't seem to give it up. I feel like it'd be giving Him up. But I'm learning... always learning as you said that He speaks to me in many other ways too. So, I've tried to define my week of writing with some boundaries and I think it's really going to make a difference. I realize that God gave me this stay-at-home/homeschooling job for a reason, aside from it being the best for them: to make me a more disciplined person. And it's been slow going... but there are real changes and so much more to come. I bet if you look back over the time you've been home you'll see through the chaos that He's changing you in some really significant way... stretching you to handle more and be more than you ever thought you could... it's never easy, but oh so worth it! Love you... praying for us :)

Mandy said...

Heidi you are so right I can see HUGE changes in my attitude just in a few short weeks. You're right it's slow going and change doesn't happen over night but God is all over this and I'm sooo glad and comforted to know He's got His hand on us. I'll be praying for you sweet sister. Sometimes the dry spells of our writing is to show us how to hear Him in other ways. At least it was/is for me ;) Thank you for your kind words everyone!

Lisa said...

Mandy, God is using this season to pull you closer to Him. Keep your eyes fixed firmly on Him. I am so convinced that I can not do what I need to do without Him. It's exhausting when we try to do it on our own.

Allison said...

When we walk in obedience to Him it doesn't always look like what we think it should. But keep walking the path...He will make your way straight!

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

God's with you Mandy, even when it seems that the world is exploding all around you. God uses these seasons of trial to help us "stretch" our spirits and grow closer to Him.

You're in my prayers.

Have a Blessed Day!