I want more. More God. More Spirit. More of His love. This last week I caught another glimpse of just how much He loves me.
My kids are running me ragged. I never knew being a mom was such hard work. I was the weekend mom. The 2 hours a night after dinner mom. Never would I have guessed I would become the 24/7 mom. Every night I'd pass the kids off to my husband when He got home from work and run upstairs to cry. And pray. And cry some more.
God heard those cries and prayers. He put someone in my path that could help me. A few weeks ago I wrote about not being desperate enough. That was the calm before the storm and what a storm it is. BUT joy comes in the morning and finally our joy is returning. I'm not nearly as overwhelmed as I was and my children are beginning to learn being home with mommy can be fun. I have days where my patience runs out by the time my husband comes home and again I run upstairs to pray and cry and pray some more. On days like that I am starting to learn I'm not leaning on God's love or power, I'm leaning on my own strength. I'm learning...always learning.
So how do I get more God. I heard once if you want to grow spiritually you have to do spiritual things. I never felt so close to God as when I was writing for God. I have been in a kind of rut latley. I don't feel like writing, sitting at the computer, researching scripture for blog posts. It just all seemed too much on top of trying to heal the hurt my kids felt towards thier worlds being turned upside down. I always felt like I was grieving the loss of my job (even though, yes He told me to quit) but here my babies were grieving the loss of their friends and all their stuff at the daycare and their most dear friend/grandma type who took care of them every day of their lives. It was a big adjustment for them, God revealed that to me through the friend I mentioned at the beginning of this. So anyway I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive, I'm still here. I still read your blogs as much as I can and I will start writing again. God is working on me and my children and we are finally starting to get in a sort of routiene. Thank you for being gracious and for reading my blog. I appreciate every single one of you dearly.