Tuesday, March 1, 2011

One big question ~ A letter for my Savior

Dear Father~

I know I'm not supposed to be afraid, I'm not supposed to doubt. But Lord I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I have to fill out my exit interview paperwork at work today. All of the questions are circling through my head. My reason for leaving, do I have another job, Why now. People keep coming up to me that I don't even know, they ask why I'm leaving. They ask what I'm going to do now and where I'm going to go. Lord I don't have any of those answers. I wish you would show me. If even just a hint, I wish and pray and hope you will show me soon. Today I feel like I'm crazy. It's easy to act strong but today I don't feel strong at all father. I don't feel brave. I'm not brave like You. I just have one big question for you Lord. If you answer nothing else, I pray to know this one thing.

Where's the money going to come from? How will You provide for my family. Today I feel like I'm giving up my dreams. I'm giving up everything and I'm scared. When I walk out of those doors on the 16th it's over or it's just beginning. Which one? It's a daily minute by minute struggle to keep my eyes on you and not on my steps Lord. I see how people look at me and it makes me feel completley crazy. Like I'm not taking care of my kids by doing this. I want what you have for me Father. I know in the deepest part of my heart that this is the right decision. I don't know where the money is going to come from but I know it's going to come. I know You will be the one providing for our family. Waiting on You is hard Lord. I trust you Father. Just hold me Lord and don't let me go, I don't want to drown.

My friend said many people will see and fear and they will put their trust in the Lord (Psalm 40) so I know this will be for Your glory, this is all for you and I'm honored and humbled to be used for this, whatever this may be. Maybe I don't need to know all the details after all.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious hand. Isaiah 41:10


Lisa said...

Life would seem so much easier if God would just lay out all the details for us. But then we wouldn't be trusting Him. You KNOW that He is faithful. Keep your eyes on Jesus and you won't sink. I'm praying with you, girl.

Jenifer said...

God will never lead us somewhere just to leave us. He has directed you to do this and He will take care of you. Yes, it would be so much easier to know everything ahead but that is where our faith comes in. Praying for you in this transition!

Debi said...

Ditto what both Lisa & Jenifer said! God will never close a door without opening up a window! Trust's all you can do! Love you, girl. I know God has your back! Remember...we only see a piece of the puzzle of our life...God has the whole puzzle already done!

Allison said...

Praying for your peace. If you know that this is His will, then step out of the boat! If you're unsure...sometimes you have to take the leap and pray for His guidance and protections as you seek Him!

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

Staring adversity in the face and standing your ground knowing God is with you pretty much defines faith Mandy. He hears you, and is with you through these trials.

One of my favorite verses which I feel applies here is from Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

You and your family are in my prayers.

Have a Blessed Day!

Deane said...

Mandy, I believe you have shown your strength in the Lord by quiting your job. You have already shown your faith in the Lord by doing what He has Lead you to do. I know the not knowing is why you have the fear you have but God won't leave you now. I will be praying for you. I know you will make it as God is right at your side holding on to you and He will not let you stumble, praise God. Blessings to you.

Kelli said...

You are His chosen one and He delights in you! (Is. 42:1) God tells us not to fear because He will help us. You are such a great testimony of faith. And you can bet those around you are noticing. I like when you said "It's a daily minute by minute struggle to keep my eyes on you and not on my steps Lord." This is so true in the good and bad times...keeping our eyes on Jesus and his beautiful face. Remember the scary times are the ones you experience Jesus most!