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Monday, November 8, 2010

It's all about God

I had to give my testimony at Church on Sunday, afterwards I got baptized. Speaking infront of all those people was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but through God it was possible. I thought I'd share it with all of you. My blog is about second chances...we're all entitled through God to a second chance, even a third, fourth, fifth..millionth...His love is free and for all who come to Him.

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
~Francesca Battistelli

If you knew me before I started coming here, you would have seen me as a quiet shy little girl who never talked to anyone. I believed in God and was baptized at the age of 14. After that I was so on fire for God, or so I thought. As time went on I didn’t feel welcome in the Church, no one reached out to me, no one even noticed me so gradually I stopped going. In the last few years I be-friended some people at work that as I see it now, were not good for me. I started doing some really bad things and started treating my husband and kids horrible. I would come to Church with my dad off and on when he asked us to but I was dead inside. I did not see myself as anything but trash. I was searching for someone to love me, for someone to notice the pain that I was in. I contemplated running away, I wasn’t any good for my two babies so why would I stay there and ruin their lives. One Sunday I came here with my dad like any other Sunday, and was singing and clapping to the songs like always until someone who is now a very good friend and the husband of one of my sweet sisters , gave a word. God was speaking through him right to me. Right to the very fiber of my soul He said What are you doing here? “Haven’t I protected you, your entire life, its time to remove the things that are keeping you from me and follow me” After that I sat down and cried for the rest of the service. I got very scared thinking God was mad at me for even showing up when I was causing so much trouble for my family. The next day I went to work and talked to what I now consider as my mentor and a very good friend. I asked her if that had ever happened to her before and she explained that God is not mad at me, but that he gently chastises us and tries to guide us in the direction he wants us. She explained what a word of wisdom is and what my next steps should be. I listened intently to all she had to tell me and then that very day infront of my work place I repented of the horrible thing I was doing and from that day on God has been turning my life around. To me it’s like He picked me up where I was, in the very worst place I was in and he turned me around. He dusted me off and He said now it’s time for you to start over and let me lead you. After that day it’s been a wild ride to say the least. My whole outlook on life has changed, I went to a women’s retreat where I received healing of a lot of things I had buried deep inside.  A lot of pain came to the surface and God gently wiped it away. I received another word through my mentor. God called me his sweet girl and He told me he was glad I came back to him and that he was sorry about all the people that had hurt me, that he had been with me the entire time. It wasn’t my friend hugging me that night it was Jesus. He wrapped his arms around me and he held me and let me cry. I forgave some people that night and God washed me clean. As I stand here today I am 100% a woman of God. The further and deeper I venture into His Word the more I fall in love with God every day. I’m still quiet and I’m still shy but I am on fire. I want the world to know my Jesus. He loves us and we are beautiful to Him. If you take nothing else from my story take away the truth that you are beautiful and He can pick you up and turn you around even from the deepest darkest areas of your life. He loves making something beautiful out of brokenness.

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain But even perfect days can end in rain And though it’s pouring down I see You through the clouds Shining on my face
~ Beautiful, Beautiful Francesca Battistelli

3 comments:

Lisa said...

Your testimony is beautiful!

Jenifer said...

You have a wonderful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing. God is doing AMAZING things in you and through you.

Debi said...

I only wish I could have been there to hear your testimony. God is amazing and He has done amazing things in you. I am so thankful for you and the sweet friend you have become to me. God bless you!!!