I'm not desperate enough. When things are good I don't need God as much, and when my attitude starts to go south I'm realizing that what I really need is God, that I'm missing my Daddy. That I don't hear Him as well...I'm desperate to feel God every single minute of every single day, I don't want to drift away from Him when things are good.
When my husband got in his accident I was desperate. Desperate for my God and my Savior to come in and rescue us. To hold us because my family would not have gotten through it without Him holding us. I remember our first morning at the hospital, I couldn't figure out how to work the shower. It was the nurses shower and I hadn't slept the night before and I just needed a hot shower. I was tired and stressed. When I got in it was cold no matter how I turned the knob it was cold. I started crying out to God. Father please I just need a hot shower please help me I need you if nothing else I need you. I need you to hold me I can't do this on my own. I remember just crying and crying in that small corner nurses shower letting the cold water run down my back. Our lives were changing and I felt tired and I needed to see Jesus.
Suddenly the shower turned warm. And I felt Jesus. He stepped down off His throne and I felt Him give me a hug. It's ok Mandy It's ok I'm here and I will help you. I remember that every day. On that day I was desperate. He's a defender of the weak and I was weak.
How do we stay humble? How do we stay weak? How do we stay desperate? I thought quitting my job would be this huge leap of faith and I would have to rely on God to do it and at first I did of course but now 2 weeks later I don't feel desperate anymore. The world didn't fall apart around us we will be able to pay our bills our family isn't being sustained by me so now what? I want to do something that I have to rely on His strength and His power to get me through. I want to be desperate for God. I want to do something I wouldn't be able to do without Him.
Be patient, He says to me. In my patience I have to learn not to be complacent. I have to learn how to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times. I have to learn not to get comfortable as I'm being patient.
In Made to Crave Lysa TerKurst started running and to keep running she had to fully rely on God for His strength to take one more step, to run one more mile. I've thought of running (I'm so not a runner) but being a mom of two toddlers I can't leave them home alone.
How do you stay desperate? What do you do to stay close to Jesus? I really want to know. Spending quiet time with God every day isn't enough, I want more of Him.