Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Not desperate enough

I'm not desperate enough. When things are good I don't need God as much, and when my attitude starts to go south I'm realizing that what I really need is God, that I'm missing my Daddy. That I don't hear Him as well...I'm desperate to feel God every single minute of every single day, I don't want to drift away from Him when things are good.

When my husband got in his accident I was desperate. Desperate for my God and my Savior to come in and rescue us. To hold us because my family would not have gotten through it without Him holding us. I remember our first morning at the hospital, I couldn't figure out how to work the shower. It was the nurses shower and I hadn't slept the night before and I just needed a hot shower. I was tired and stressed. When I got in it was cold no matter how I turned the knob it was cold. I started crying out to God. Father please I just need a hot shower please help me I need you if nothing else I need you. I need you to hold me I can't do this on my own. I remember just crying and crying in that small corner nurses shower letting the cold water run down my back. Our lives were changing and I felt tired and I needed to see Jesus.

Suddenly the shower turned warm. And I felt Jesus. He stepped down off His throne and I felt Him give me a hug. It's ok Mandy It's ok I'm here and I will help you. I remember that every day. On that day I was desperate. He's a defender of the weak and I was weak.

How do we stay humble? How do we stay weak? How do we stay desperate? I thought quitting my job would be this huge leap of faith and I would have to rely on God to do it and at first I did of course but now 2 weeks later I don't feel desperate anymore. The world didn't fall apart around us we will be able to pay our bills our family isn't being sustained by me so now what? I want to do something that I have to rely on His strength and His power to get me through. I want to be desperate for God. I want to do something I wouldn't be able to do without Him.

Be patient, He says to me. In my patience I have to learn not to be complacent. I have to learn how to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times. I have to learn not to get comfortable as I'm being patient.

In Made to Crave Lysa TerKurst started running and to keep running she had to fully rely on God for His strength to take one more step, to run one more mile. I've thought of running (I'm so not a runner) but being a mom of two toddlers I can't leave them home alone. 

How do you stay desperate? What do you do to stay close to Jesus? I really want to know. Spending quiet time with God every day isn't enough, I want more of Him.


Jenifer said...

You made me cry! I love how God turned the water to warm and showed you that it is ok and He was right there. I want to be so desparate for God that nothing else matters. I want to "run" for Him until I can't take another step. Great post!

Debi said...

Ok, let's see if I can type through the tears! I LOVE how the shower 'turned' warm. It was absolutely the arms of Jesus wrapping around you!!! I, too, want to be THAT desperate for God. Complacency is definitely an issue. I think that right now, I would really like a 'warm shower!' Thanks for this post today, Mandy!

Kelli said...

How aesome to see the scriptures come alive in a hospital bathroom shower! Ilove those moments. Moments where it is so obvious Jesus has his strong arms around us. You are right-- keeping our focus on Jesus at all times, makes everything a little brighter! So glad things are getting better!

Lisa said...

God is so faithful to answer our prayers when we cry out to Him. But how many times do we really cry out? Only in the bad times or do we cry out in desperation in the good time too? I want to be desperate for God, but I know I don't always live that way. Too much of me in the way. So I gotta get me out of the way.

Allison said...

I want my every moment to be about Him, not just a few minutes in the morning. I don't want to get to eternity and not my Daddy!

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

What a wonderful, transparent, heartfelt post this was Mandy. And you're right, we need to be desperate for Him in our good times, as well as when we're in trouble and crying out for help.

Wonderful reminder!

Have a Blessed Day!

Undeserving Grace said...

This was awesome. So perfect. I'm so glad I stopped by today! I think in the times I don't stay humble and hungry for more of Him it feels like i'm on rollercoaster of drama, emotions, chaos, stress, overwhelmed that I couldn't jump off if I tried. When I feel worry, stress, or anxious I know something is outta line and I need to hit my knees and tune into Him more. We're doing thankful thursday if you wanna join us today I'd love to have ya :)
{tara} from Undeserving Grace

Heidi said...

Mandy, this really caught my attention... "Be patient, He says to me. In my patience I have to learn not to be complacent. I have to learn how to keep my eyes on Jesus at all times. I have to learn not to get comfortable as I'm being patient." I want to desperate for Him too and I am also learning that it's in my weaknesses that I find Him most, maybe it's because that's when I'm searching for Him the most... so we want to stay there. In our strength we need Him less. Great post... you have encouraged me today :)