Don't look back - Get Fit Thursday

I don't pretend to know everything. Actually I'm quite open about how much I don't know. As I was thinking/praying about what to write for today I started thinking, you know I really don't have the authority to write about getting fit, health or self issues. I have self doubt, and self loathing, fear, anxiety...a laundry list of issues and as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this evening I about cried because once again this whole getting fit thing isn't working for me.

My goal is to walk a mile each day (give or take a little because I don't actually know how far it is from my house to the spot I turn around to come back, but I'm working on finding out) I've been doing really well at keeping to that goal. I put my kids in the wagon and off we go. I can't say it's easy, they weight 20-30 lbs each but it has been rather fun and they really enjoy our walks. I have this little app on my cell phone called Endomondo, it's supposed to calculate speed, distance and time and calories lost well it doesn't do anything expect time me.

Against my better judgement I peeked at the scale this morning after my walk and it said I had gained 3lbs...I've walked more in a week than I've ever walked so once again I've failed.

Wait...failed? really...no. This is one of those times to really pray. When you're feeling like a failure, when nothing is working out for you, when you catch that glimpse in the mirror and think you're horrible and how could God ever love someone like you.

Worship is a muscle, praise is a muscle. You should be exercising these mucles every day so when you really need them, they are there for you to turn to and rely on. Self doubt and fear and anxiety and all the other things that have the potential to keep you down and quiet and away from God is like fat. When you worship and praise and pray the fat of your mind starts drifting away and you can start to see clearly again.

This is going to be a journey, one that obviously God thinks I'm ready for. Tonight I'm going to worship instead of give in to frustration. I'm going to pray that those 3 lbs were the muscles in my legs gearing up and I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to pay attention to the little voice in my head telling me to give up because God is bigger and He's telling me to let go and trust Him.

No more looking at the scale, it's not about what I've lost, it's about what I'm gaining, self worth, boldness, courage, an identity with Jesus...an eternity with God by my side.

But God

It was 3 weeks before I quit my job. I had bombarded God with questions about what He wanted me to do, what was next after I left the bank. Where did He want me to go from here.

I will never forget, it was late morning when He whispered the word Pastor in my ear. Immediatley and without second thought I started arguing. But God, the Church has a Pastor. But God, I'm not a Pastor, I get tounge tied just talking to my friends. But God don't you know I've failed at everything I've started. But God don't you know I'm better at being behind the scenes, it's easier that way, I'm more comfortable that way. But God, what could you possibly see in me that You would want to use. But God groups of people make me nervous, speaking makes me nervous. But God, I'm afraid.

It did not take long for Him to answer my fears and my questions. Did you know there are 365 "Fear Nots" in the Bible...that means there is a fear not for every single day of the year...there is a do not fear for every single one of my fears.

I'm not a good speaker, BUT GOD is.
I'm not a good writer, BUT GOD is.
I won't be good at this, BUT GOD will.
I can't get up there and speak to these kids about Him, BUT GOD can.
I don't know all the chapters of the Bible, frontwards and backwards, BUT GOD does.
I can't answer any questions that might come my way, BUT GOD can.
I may fail at everything I've ever started, BUT GOD and His word never ever fails.

I'm NOT a Pastor, BUT GOD IS!

This is a most perfect opportunity for me to get out of the way and just let Him have His way. This is a most perfect way for my faith to grow. I'm an empty vessel, He can use my voice but it has to be all Him. There will be no way for me to make Him proud because it won't be me, it will be Him.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

No matter what giants you are facing today, God is bigger. You can't, BUT GOD can!

A picture of strength

I'm leading service for the kids on the 24th. I'm leading worship, games and giving a messege. Wouldn't you know it, my old friends fear and anxiety trapsed back into my life, the closer the day gets here the stronger these two become BUT God is good. God is faithful and He HAS set my feet on a rock, He has set me on a solid foundation where all I have to do is stand firm and run full force after Him. Praise God, He IS stronger than any anxiety I could have.

I received a word from God through a friend, actually it was more like a picture but I wanted to share it with you incase you are also needing to hear from God.

Eagle momma's are very particular about their babies when the young ones are learning to fly. When it's time to fly they will start picking the soft cuddly stuff out of their nests so the babies will become uncomfortable. The babies will start teetering around, some on the edge of the nest probably chirping at momma to knock it off and put the pillows back down but after a while of being uncomfortable the momma will just push the baby over the side of the nest and as you can imagine those little wings are flapping as hard as they can but just when the babies think they are gonna crash and burn to the ground the momma swoops in and brings the babies on her wings, brings them back in the air then starts flapping her wings to teach them how to fly. No matter how hopeless it looks at the time for the babies the momma never ever lets them fall.

This is a picture of God with us. At the beginning it's all soft and cuddly, He's feeding us and nurturing us but then as we grow and learn and get "older" He starts teaching us a few things and slowly starts picking the cuddly stuff out of our nest, He starts making us uncomfortable, starts getting us out in the world a bit more, starts using us a little more then as we're teetering on the edge of His will for our lives, He sees that we're ready and He will push us over the edge, while we think we are falling and things are spinning out of control and while it seems we will crash and burn without a hope in the world God swoops down under us and catches us in His mighty hand right before we fall, He brings us back up with Him and teaches us How to fly fully relying on Him. No matter how hopeless or scary it seems at the time, He has absolutley no intention of letting us fall. There comes a time in our walk that we just have to jump off the edge of ourselves and let Him swoop in and pick us back up. It's not for us to decide though, He will push us when He sees that we're ready.

God you are my God and I will ever praise You. Thank You for seeing in me something that is useful to You. Thank You that You won't let me fall. Thank You that You made me for victory through You. I love You Lord. I won't be overwhelmed.

Fire fall down

I've been reading 1st Kings in my quiet time latley and I've heard some people talk about the story of Elijah but have never actually read it for myself...until today.

Elijah goes to Isreal and confronts their king about all the trouble he's been causing God's people. He decides to organize a little bbq (smiles) in which all hte people gather two cows they are going to sacrifice to God and their gods. They cut the cows up and Elijah tells them to call on their god to set the alter on fire. Isreal does everything they can think of to call on their god. They dance around, yell and even cut themselves and still nothing happens. Then Elijah sets up his alter, he has to rebuild it because it's in shambles from trying to call on Isreal's god. He then instructs the people to start pouring water over the whole thing so that only the One true God can set fire to this thing. After it's soaked to the brim he prays a simple but heartfelt prayer. "God please let it be known, show them Lord, open their eyes that You are real and their One and only God" all of a sudden God rains down fire and everything burns into flame, not just the alter but the wood, stone, soil and the water. 1st Kings 18:16-39

I have idols in my life. Things that turn my attention away from God. Things that I don't really need, distractions. Things of my past that I wish would just go away. Anger issues, the desire to have a house. Wanting a house in itself isn't wrong but the fact that sometimes it's all I can think about, the want consumes me if I'm not careful. The boulders I can't move on my own, the shyness, the weight issue...there are tons of idols. Lots of "gods" that we don't realize are in our lives until it's too late.

I find myself wishing that God would just get rid of them, just open my eyes and help me clean everything up. Then I start thinking well maybe He won't, maybe I'm stuck with this struggle for ever...I wonder if you have something like this in your life? Do you think He won't help you?

The point is, what makes you think He won't? What makes me think He won't? We were made for victory and the truth is He is very capable and very willing to rain down His all consuming fire on the idols and gods in our lives so HE is the only thing we can see.

Do you have something that needs to burst into flames? Let Him have it today.