All about self control

Self Control. One of the fruits of the Spirit. Sometimes I feel like I didn't receive this fruit, or that I ate it too fast to taste it (smiles)

God is really working on me about self control. My flesh wants to pig out on having the last word in every argument. I crave being right, I crave telling my husband and my kids just how wrong they are.

The ONLY thing we should be "pigging out" on is Him. Personally, there are days when I feel like I can't wait to get through my quiet time to go on with my day. There are other days, when my walk is good that I don't want to stop reading my Bible, I don't want to stop sitting in His presence. There's nothing, NOTHING better than God.

Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My felsh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25,26

I came across this verse in my quiet time this morning, and it REALLY spoke to my heart.

This morning was a good example of self control being used with my mouth. I'm NOT a morning person. Since I was a teenager, I required at least 30 minutes after I woke up before anyone spoke to me or asked me questions. My brain can't process it and I am SO grumpy. I would make this excuse "it's just how I am", but now I think, well why is that just how I am. There's so many reasons to be joyful, why do I need to wake up grumpy.

My son woke up at 5 this morning. I don't know why, my alarm doesn't go off until 6 and he doesn't usualy wake up until after 7. He was laying behind his door singing at the top of his lungs and every once in a while he would call to his sister trying to wake her up. (We have a lock on his door because he has been known to wander through the house when we're sleeping, he's 2) She is SO hard to get back to sleep when she wakes up so I rolled over out of a dead sleep and yelled at him to go back to sleep. Where was my husband in this, well he was downstairs doing who knows what. 30 minutes later, my son woke me up again singing behind his door, yelling for my daughter to wake up (Thank God she was still sound asleep) The mean mommy appeared and I huffed and puffed into his room, put his little butt back to bed, spanked him and slammed his door shut. (Not one of my finer moments I must admit.)

This is a story about self control because I got myself all worked into a hissy fit, marching down the stairs about ready to give my husband a tounge lashing for not stepping in and taking care of HIS son when God so clearly spoke to my heart and said NO. It took me a minute to register what had just happened, it was like someone holding their hand over my mouth (Thank you Jesus, that's what I prayed for in my quiet times the last few weeks). My mind wouldn't stop there though, I was MAD and as I came down the stairs I thought of a different way to say what my tounge really wanted to say, whip my husband up a good one, when God again said NO. Ok Lord, my anger fizzeled and I got downstairs and there my husband was cleaning the kitchen, he never does this anymore so it was a blessing.

Self Control has to be practiced. You don't just get it right the first time, especially when you're not used to using this fruit at all. I've been known to just let my tounge take me where it wanted. Whipping and lashing everyone close to me up one side and down the other. By telling me no, and spiritually putting His hand over my mouth, God was telling me it's time to start practicing this.

We use (are supposed to use) self control for our food choices too, smaller plates = smaller portions. By having smaller portions of food, anger, hurt feelings, self doubt, fear, we gain a bigger knowledge of God and how He is to be used as our portion. The things of this world are unhealthy, they will tear your spirit apart and the penalty is death so why in the world would we want to feed our selves, our families the things of this world. Why would we knowingly submit our loved ones to our attitudes, all the while knowing we are spewing junk into their lives and giving our tounges all the control.

I am by no means an expert on this subject, there are A LOT of things I need to start using self control for, but the point is I'm trying, and if you're trying too God will bless that. Try practicing self control today, start small. Words have more impact on your soul and your family than your food choices do in the long run. God looks at the heart, what shape is your heart in today?

A seed

One day, probably a really long time ago, someone planted a seed in you. A seed of faith and a seed of doubt. A seed of comfort and a seed of fear. A seed of hope and a seed of despair. Every thought you've ever had started as a seed first.

When I was younger the seeds of doubt, fear and despair were planted in me. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I was not "more like my sister" so thoughtful and helpful and loving so there must have been something wrong with me. Every day, one more seed would be planted. One more fear was realized, one more dream faded.

My grades were horrible, I hated school. I had good friends when they felt like it. Food was my comfort. My music was my joy. I looked for love in all the wrong places, anywhere I could find it no matter how bad or dangerous or how awful it made me feel.

These seeds for me grew into vines, into huge steel chains that made me afraid to go outside as an adult. That made me afraid to speak to people because of the shame of my past. And then God started chasing me down...

Is this you today? Are you facing steal chains of your own?

Don't you know that God is the ultimate gardner and He's planting seeds of His own in you.

Right now He says come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. That's a promise and a seed. He plants seeds of hope, love, faith. He whispers to your heart "I believe in you" He puts people in your path that come along side you and lift you up to Him in prayer. He gives you a family that will speak love and hope into your life. His seeds are so much more powerful than Satan's. The seeds that were planted in your life aren't from the people you knew, they were from Satan. They were to keep you from your place at God's table, you make Satan afraid of you so he started when you were young trying to keep you from God. It's not about you it's about what God wants to do in you that makes him afraid. God is the ultimate locksmith too. He has the keys to those chains you carry around and He's giving you the choice. Are you going to shed the chains, the fear, the doubt and take what He has for you or are you going to continue walking as you've always walked with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Might I share with you that you were never meant to carry that weight and He wants it back today.

He's the ultimate gardner and the seeds He's planting today are going to grow with His Living Water and turn into beauty beyond your imagination.

My story has not ended yet but I can tell you the seeds that were planted long long ago are being uprooted every day and I'm being set free every day of one more fear. Shame does not have its hold on me any longer. Will you choose to fight with me, God will be victorious but He wants you to fight too.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

Don't look back - Get Fit Thursday

I don't pretend to know everything. Actually I'm quite open about how much I don't know. As I was thinking/praying about what to write for today I started thinking, you know I really don't have the authority to write about getting fit, health or self issues. I have self doubt, and self loathing, fear, anxiety...a laundry list of issues and as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this evening I about cried because once again this whole getting fit thing isn't working for me.

My goal is to walk a mile each day (give or take a little because I don't actually know how far it is from my house to the spot I turn around to come back, but I'm working on finding out) I've been doing really well at keeping to that goal. I put my kids in the wagon and off we go. I can't say it's easy, they weight 20-30 lbs each but it has been rather fun and they really enjoy our walks. I have this little app on my cell phone called Endomondo, it's supposed to calculate speed, distance and time and calories lost well it doesn't do anything expect time me.

Against my better judgement I peeked at the scale this morning after my walk and it said I had gained 3lbs...I've walked more in a week than I've ever walked so once again I've failed.

Wait...failed? really...no. This is one of those times to really pray. When you're feeling like a failure, when nothing is working out for you, when you catch that glimpse in the mirror and think you're horrible and how could God ever love someone like you.

Worship is a muscle, praise is a muscle. You should be exercising these mucles every day so when you really need them, they are there for you to turn to and rely on. Self doubt and fear and anxiety and all the other things that have the potential to keep you down and quiet and away from God is like fat. When you worship and praise and pray the fat of your mind starts drifting away and you can start to see clearly again.

This is going to be a journey, one that obviously God thinks I'm ready for. Tonight I'm going to worship instead of give in to frustration. I'm going to pray that those 3 lbs were the muscles in my legs gearing up and I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to pay attention to the little voice in my head telling me to give up because God is bigger and He's telling me to let go and trust Him.

No more looking at the scale, it's not about what I've lost, it's about what I'm gaining, self worth, boldness, courage, an identity with Jesus...an eternity with God by my side.