I held my breath yesterday.
I only realized this last night when I started diffusing my lavendar for bed and reading my Fear Not Devotional. When I let out my breath it was like a release of all the pent up fear and intensity of the entire day.
Professionals call it high functioning anxiety. I try not to label myself.
Our car tags have expired. So I hold my breath waiting for authorities to notice. We are late on rent, so I hold my breath. Groceries are getting low, I hold my breath. I'm holding my breath because while I KNOW God can, I question if He will. I have caught myself holding my breath in anxious waiting to see if God still sees me or if, being disabled has caused Him to turn His back. I tell myself I'm of no use to Him now, so He can but He won't.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." Psalms 23:1-6
Those enemies He's talking about aren't people. Our fight isn't against flesh and blood. Our enemies are fear, doubt, anxiety, shame, doubt, anger...anything that sets itself up against the word of God.
Are you holding your breath? Release it, lean into Him. He has given you what you NEED in the moment you need it. What I needed wasn't money, it was peace and a reminder to release the fear and doubt and breathe...because He can and He will.
I am not a slave to fear. I am a child of God.