Don't hold your breath

I held my breath yesterday.

All day.

I only realized this last night when I started diffusing my lavendar for bed and reading my Fear Not Devotional. When I let out my breath it was like a release of all the pent up fear and intensity of the entire day.

Professionals call it high functioning anxiety. I try not to label myself.

Our car tags have expired. So I hold my breath waiting for authorities to notice. We are late on rent, so I hold my breath. Groceries are getting low, I hold my breath. I'm holding my breath because while I KNOW God can, I question if He will. I have caught myself holding my breath in anxious waiting to see if God still sees me or if, being disabled has caused Him to turn His back. I tell myself I'm of no use to Him now, so He can but He won't.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." Psalms 23:1‭-‬6

Those enemies He's talking about aren't people. Our fight isn't against flesh and blood. Our enemies are fear, doubt, anxiety, shame, doubt, anger...anything that sets itself up against the word of God.

Are you holding your breath? Release it, lean into Him. He has given you what you NEED in the moment you need it. What I needed wasn't money, it was peace and a reminder to release the fear and doubt and breathe...because He can and He will.

I am not a slave to fear. I am a child of God.

Take Courage

I saw this picture yesterday on Facebook and God reminded me that while He protects us, courage is a choice.

There are many times I've let fear win on this journey if health. Every time a new joint hurts, everytime I have to stand, everytime I wake up not knowing how I'll feel, everytime I've lost a friend because I'm in pain or can't join in on something.

I let fear wash over me and can't breathe. The what-ifs overtake me and in the midst, I hear God say fear not, but I ignore Him, I'm in too deep.

Courage is a choice. Especially in this day. Especially with how the world is getting worse. Are we as God's children going to allow fear a foothold or are we going to stand up and say "NO! I will take courage this day. I will praise God this day. He's good and still reigns in His children."

"Say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you.”
Isaiah 35:4

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9"

Take courage dear heart. The Lord fights FOR us in ways we can't even fathom. One day this world will fade, but until that day come take comfort, He's for you. He's with you. He still has you in His hands.

Uncover your face

He covered his face.

My son, who's 8 screamed a bad word in Church. I wasn't there, I planned to confront him when he got home. Give out punishment for the crime and the embarrassment.

He deserved some talking to right?

Then he covered his face in his coat and cried. Tears that you know come from deep down inside of someplace hurting and sad.

He covered his face and I heard God say,

"This is what you do when you're hurting. You hide from me when I just want to hold you. Uncover your face Mandy, don't hide. I love you, let me comfort you."

And I cried and told my 8 year old little boy uncover your face baby, let me love you...

And we both learned a little about grace last night.